just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize