She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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