their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This house was built for laser tag.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Randomize