Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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