i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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