i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
