Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
