she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
