I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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