remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
