3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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