Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
