one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
