her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
In America we eat man semen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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