I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
