I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
