Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
