Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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