He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
