wanna go halves on a baby?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
