She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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