I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
