She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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