Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
