Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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