I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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