like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
