I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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