I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
