these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
