There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
