Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
