I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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