obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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