He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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