Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
