Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
