worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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