I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
