Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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