i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
