Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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