I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
