Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize