I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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