I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
