one might say we're banned from that church
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize