I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
