Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
