I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You need a sexual gate keeper
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
