I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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