I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
