she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
please come you make the beer taste better
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
