You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
