She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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