Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
