guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
