In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
