Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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