i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
