3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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