If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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