The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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