I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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